Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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