singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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