Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
