She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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