you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
