Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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