This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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