dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
