I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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