No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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