dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
