I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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