haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
