I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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