My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
