so explain again why im purple
no
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
