shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
