He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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