i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
