Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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