if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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