ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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