New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
