So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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