He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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