I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You work out of a Hotel?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
