The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
