I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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