My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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