its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
