dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
