i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
