Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
