y did u give ur computer a hand job?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
