My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My cat gives me a boner
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
