i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
