I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize