I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
