i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
