Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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