They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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