the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
