The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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