There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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