Please, let me fuck your mom
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
