i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
