My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just want nice things and good sex
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
