This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
