You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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