shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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