I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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