I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
