i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
