I wish I could teleport
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
