I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
