I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
