I'm laying in your front yard are you home
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
