I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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