How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
