he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize