I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
