Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
