i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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