Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
