I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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