Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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