I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
