If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
