your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
