we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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