Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize