i jhust puked up my retainher.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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