.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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