my shit smells like andre
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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