Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
