I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
