My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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