I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
