i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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