There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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