i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
