does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my being single is dangerous.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
