I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
