Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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