Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
