I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
nutella sex= disaster
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
