Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
