I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
