i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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