Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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