So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
