sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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