I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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