I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
