I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
