I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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