Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
