you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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