I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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