Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
