I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Randomize