Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
