I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
